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  • Writer's pictureAmber Wiese

Don't Do Self-Care This Valentine's

Valentines Day is for love; self-love. It's way better than plain old self-care. Read on to learn how to make the shift this weekend.

Doing self-care doesn't always mean you love yourself, but having self-love will always lead to better self-care. Why? When you truly, madly, deeply love yourself, you naturally want to take care of yourself because you matter and are worth it.

Self-care is a super buzzy word right now, going along the lines of 'YOLO' and "treat yourself'. All of these sentiments are true, however they have been commercialized and taken to mean 'do whatever nonsense you want because life is short and pleasure is fun'.

This mentality turns self-care into an instagrammable moment and something to brag about to your co-workers. "Oh yes, I am doing self-care Sunday this weekend, $75 mani/pedi, $120 facial, $60 bottomless mimosa brunch, and a small shopping spree of only $150, cause I'm worth it" *hair-flip, small smile*.

Wait though, I'm not here to tell you you aren't worth it, and this isn't fun self-care. I have days like this! They are amazing if you can afford them. What I am saying, is this is not self-love.

Well then what the hell IS self-love, you ask?

It is treating your mind, body, and soul with respect and accepting yourself just as you are, right here, right now. No qualifiers.

Here is a list of ways to show yourself self-love this Valentines.

  • Take a bath with salts, and oils, and bubbles and candles

  • Go for a walk outside to clear your head and move your body

  • Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love you just as you are, you are already whole and perfect'. End. Of. Sentence.

  • Give yourself a foot massage

  • Drink water

  • Dance to your favorite song

  • Write a love letter to yourself, and heck, send it and read it when it's delivered

  • Eat healthy food

  • Stretch

  • Meditate

  • Cook your favorite meal and decorate the dish like you are working on a Michelin star

  • Do a hobby, even if you're 'bad' at it. Especially, if you are bad at it.

  • Journal about whatever is running through your head, good or bad just to clear some space.

What would you add to this list?

You may think this list looks a lot like self-care, and in a way you're right. The difference between them though is the intention behind it. With self-care you are knocking things off a list that sort of just fits into the current societal narrative. With self-love you are taking into consideration only your own needs and wants and not judging them.

Let me give you an example of what is near and dear to me and my coaching practice. Eating healthy food vs being on a diet.

When you are on a diet, you are punishing your body and mind for not being what it's supposed to be, you aren't loving yourself, you may even be hating yourself.

Eating healthy food however means you decide what your body wants and needs and what is healthy for you. This takes practice and a little trial and error, but eventually you will come to understand how your body operates best, You do this, not to fit into a size 6, but to be able to have enough energy to get done all you desire. You do this because it feels good.

Another example of how self-care can be used as torture instead of as love is meditation. Many people talk about meditation and all its amazing benefits, so maybe you decide to add that to your day. You start in on it and it's going great, then a negative thought pops in and you are mad, and you want to get up, and 'why would sitting in the quiet even do any good anyway, this is dumb, I need to pee'. Then later you judge yourself for not being able to meditate.

This is making what could be very good for you into self-harm. Instead you could find a different way to meditate, there are a lot of ways actually. Maybe you do the same meditation, but understand that it's different everyday and is a practice. So when the same scenario takes place, you are able to accept it and yourself. Everything is just as it should be.

That's the difference and the reason that self-care is out and self-love is in!

If you want to further your journey towards self-love and feel balanced and fulfilled in all areas of life including your relationships with food, your body, and your inner peace, then sign up for a discovery call today! I look forward to hearing from you!

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